Frequently Asked Questions

I am a new member to the group and I'm very nervous about attending my first dinner. What should a new member expect at a dinner? How will I know where to go?

First of all, let me assure you that we have ALL been there. This is probably the single hardest step you'll make in joining our group. You will find a friendly, open group of people, many of whom already know each other , who simply want to meet other like minded folks, socialize and talk about our shared interest over dinner. We meet in a banquet room, and the name in which we are under will be provided in the invitation and directions you receive. Since there are usually quite a few of us we meet in a private banquet room.

You can expect to see couples and singles, most between 30 and 60 years of age, of assorted shapes and sizes. You can use your own name, or a nickname, and be as open or as private as you like about your situation - although we like folks who are already in a committed relationship to let us know.

Is sex or "swinging" ever involved at parties?

No, the focus of The Palms is not on sex or swinging. Parties provide opportunities for spankers and spankees to try out new play partners, new toys, and perhaps new play techniques, in a safe environment that doesn't challenge anyone's comfort level. Public play is comparatively light and decidedly non-sexual, and going into a private room doesn't automatically change that. Folks who know each other well may play a bit harder in private, but you aren't expected to do anything except have fun. If you feel that your play partner is applying unwanted pressure or engaging in inappropriate touching, call a halt to the play and report the event to paddlebot.

Is there a dress code for any of the events?

For dinners, there is no set dress code, but keep in mind that this will be some members only impression of you. Parties, I'd suggest dressing up a bit. Of course coming in "theme" attire is also fine. Schoolgirls, priests, headmasters and cheerleaders are all welcome. For brunches, anything goes. Be comfortable, wear your pj's if you like! For special occasion theme parties there will be detailed information on the Events page with regard to attire.

Are there ever drugs or alcohol at parties?

No drugs allowed. Wine and champagne in moderation are fine. Depending on who is hosting, sometimes it is provided by the hosts, but as a rule if you wish to have a glass or two of wine, please bring it yourself.

Anyone obviously under the influence will be discouraged from playing and encouraged to eat and drink water or soda.

Also keep in mind- Even a little alcohol can significantly skew one's perception of how hard they are playing, and increase emotional vulnerability.

I think I want to post a personal ad...but I'm not sure what to say.

Be yourself. Give pertinent information about yourself. Your sex. Your orientation as far as spanking. A general physical description. Your age. Your location. Your marital status. Your experience level within the spanking community. What you are looking for- a long term relationship, an occasional regular spanker/spankee, just looking for friends, etc. There is no reason to be explicit or say things like "Any naughty young ladies out there need a spanking"? It's a spanking personal ads board, of course there are. And above all, read, and if necessary re-read your ad for typos, spelling, and grammar.

A note to guys on this one - for whatever reason, female ads are replied to far more than male ads are. Therefore they are more discriminating. No one is asking you to write a perfectly edited, eloquent novel, but something like "Been naughty? Male top with hard hand willing to correct that behavior. Seattle area", or such is a complete waste of time. Also, this is not a venue for males seeking males.

Where are parties usually held?

They are usually held in private homes, though occasionally we have special event theme parties and rent various lodges for the entire weekend. Once you are on our mailing list you will receive detailed information well in advance so that you can plan around these events.

What is the cost for events?

Private parties and brunches are free of charge , with a donation jar set up. Dinners are separate checks. Administration can work with you as far as the cost of weekend parties. Feel free to contact administration at any time, I can assure you that you'll get a response in a timely manner.