Coming out to others with your interest in spanking involves, first and foremost, dealing with other people. As with every other social activity, there are risks.

The greatest risk is of course to the spankees. Think about it. They allow another person to hit them. Some of those people are able to hit very hard and unfortunately some don't know the difference between "good hard" and "bad hard".

Once I spoke to a male spankee who got paddled so hard that his kidneys shut down. I knew a women who'd gotten thrashed so hard that her spine was knocked badly out of alignment.

Those two spankees had the misfortune of receiving "bad hard". Those thrashings weren't intense; they were absurd. It looked to me like the ersatz Tops were too insensitive, stupid, or malevolent to see the problem.

There are other risks too in this thing we do. They're more subtle but real nonetheless.

There are spankers and spankees who REALLY like to play a lot especially when they first come out.  They really are, as I've heard it described, like a kid in a candy store.

Most people don't want to be thought of as sluts. Playing a lot can get a person labeled that way. It would be nice if people didn't judge. However they do.

It's clear that a spanker risks being labeled, rightly so in some cases, as an insensitive brute if he or she is too hard on spankees. It's even worse if said Top doesn't pay proper attention to the wants, needs, and conditions of spankees.

Ignoring a safe-word has very strong risks. Getting an ass-kicking and banishment. The spanking community is very small.

However there's another risk a spanker faces. I have heard complaints and derision about spankers who do too little. Spankees over those Tops' knees keep waiting the thrashing to start. As expected talk of the underwhelming experiences spreads.

It's even worse if the would-be spankers thinks they're being severe. Years ago I heard the term "fierce-bunny" applied to such people.

So just as with all human interactions, we risk all kinds of trouble and embarrassment when we come out as spankers or spankees. Is it worth the risk? I think so.

There are ways to minimize the risks. The first thing to remember is that our community isn't about your ego. Fortunately it isn't about any one person's either.

I think speaking plainly and listening to what others have to say is a good way to avoid being a jerk. Not being one is a good way to avoid being labeled one.

When playing I think it's important to be honest about your preferences AND understand that no one else is obliged to cater to those preferences. Good friendships as well as play-partnerships can come from open communication about shared interests kinky and otherwise.

I hope this post is useful. Over the years since I came out in 2002, I've made some good relationships. I wanted to share my experiences perhaps to help others do the same.

Thanks Dave. I try hard to be aware of my spankee. She has placed her trust and her body in my care. I really worry about someone being injured. I recently saw posts by a friend on another site. Her bottom was not only black and blue but bloody. This truly concerns me. This is one reason I like the Palms. I don't get to come often but I know that it is a safe place both for the spanker and spankee.